A lot of us have secrets, everybody does. But how to deal with them is kind of difficult. Some of us keep it to ourselves while others go around telling everyone about their latest crush or what went down with their BF. No matter how big your secret is, here are the five important things you should be looking for in someone you want to share your deepest thoughts with.
You might not think of it when you are trying to get it out of your heart, looking to relieve your grievances and stress while talking to someone, but you will understand later on just how important it is for that specific person to be faithful to you. Faithfulness, like in any other relationship, is not a luxury, but a necessity. So try to talk to someone who you trust and who you are sure won’t retell your story to strangers, acquaintances or just hold it against you for some other day. Circumstances change, people don’t, so if you have a fallout with someone broadcasting your secrets all over, never go to hime or her again, because who they are will not change with time.
Your listener should be supportive of you regardless of the consequences (Unless you’re planning a mass shootout). He or she must be there for you and able to help you out with the tiniest things, it doesn’t have to be money or physical support, being there is sometimes more than enough. When you confess, you know they will be there for you despite anything; they not only listen but also give advice. Finding that person would be a relief for you. Knowing that somebody will always have your back and protect you no matter what is a great deal and a push to help you get those words out of your chest.
3. Good listening skills
Your listener should not only be a listener but a good one! He or she actually cares about you and is paying attention to what you are saying. Beware of red flags though: things such as playing with the phone and interrupting with off topic flashes may be a good reason to go find someone else. Good pointers are when the listener is actively nodding, asking questions and following up. Something like ( “oh, wow, yeah, and then what…”) along with constant eye contact will help you find out that your listener is there for you, and is genuinely interested in what you have to say.
Your listener must offer empathy and emotional validation. Letting you know he or she gets what you feel and has the same perception that you have is a good sign. He or she has to feel your pain and explore your world. Without empathy in a listener, you’re better off talking to a little kid because they simply can’t experience what you’re saying on a similar level. Find somebody who could surf your wave, someone you can find synergy with.
5. No self-projection
In the process of telling a secret, the listener must never cut you off starting by “I know how it feels” and ending with him telling his proper story. This inverses your role from narrator to listener and it pushes you away from expressing your feelings and getting off the huge weight on your shoulders. You don’t want to be the one who ends up listening and get back home more stressed and anxious with not only your secret not being told but also someone else’s in your mind.
A problem is lighter when you share it with others, but you should know who you are sharing it with. So if you are going to give this responsibility to someone, they better be having these 5 qualities!
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