Step 1: We Are All In Relationships
First things first; it´s important to remember that we are all in relationships. Whether it is family, career or dating. In some way shape of form we are all in a relationship. So knowing that we can keep in mind that whichever type of relationship we are in, they will all take us somewhere. Everyone we meet, no matter who they are, will leave some type of mark on our lives, and we in turn will leave one on theirs. So if we want to truly design our lives rather than just make a living, then becoming aware of who we allow into our life becomes paramount.
Step 2: Getting Clear on What You Want Out of a Relationship
Far too often I ask people “Well what exactly are you looking for in a relationship?” I get the ever so daft response of “I duno”. Not knowing what you want out of a relationship is like ordering a pizza and not telling the waitress what you’d like on it, and if that is the case chances are you are going to be disappointed. Hey look, if you were going to make one decision today about relationships yet that one decision was to become totally certain about what type of outcome or essence you wanted from your future or current relationships, you think it would enhance them? You bet cha!
Step 3: First Date Syndrome
Now there is a disorder that the drug companies have not made an inhaler or pill for yet. The disorder is called First date syndrome and I believe to some extend or another we have all suffered or will suffer from it at some point. Example: It is the first date and you really want this person to take away an awesome perception of you, so you put your best foot forward and keep it out there. The result? You make an exceedingly powerful mark on the person or persons. Now your in trouble, why? Because the person who you portrayed is not an accurate representation of who you are and the more comfortable you become with that person/persons the less you feel like you have to put on a show, then WHAMMO! You are up the creek without a paddle because this oh so dapper character is just that, a character and not a genuine picture of your real self. So to cut to the chase, be 100% of yourself not matter what, and you’ll see the utter satisfaction.
Step 4: Filling the Void With Air
Now this step becomes very much about self improvement more than anything else and you will see why. When its not people telling me that they don’t know what it is that they´re looking for the next great blunder I hear about is how they are in a relationship but are unhappy. A large percent of the time these people are upset because they go into a relationship looking for the other person to fill some need for them. The problem is there are certain aspects that no other person can fill for you. Example if you want to be in a relationship because you are looking for more respect ask the question, is it more self-respect I need? No matter how many people you are in a relationship with or how much they may be able to love you they can never fill the integral self respect that has to be built by the individual. Otherwise you are filling the void with air.
Step 5: The 50/50 Trap
Another pit fall that many of us find our self’s having to crawl out of is what I call the 50/50 trap. People tend to make things complicated, yet we are driven out of very uncomplicated motives. The need to move toward things that have a positive connotation, that makes us feel good. Or move away from things that will have a negative connotation thus making us feel bad. I mean honestly if you were to group all the emotions you can name chances are they would fall into one of two groups, happy or sad. That being said we all get excited and electric about getting into a relationship yet with have this deep seeded fear that one day we may get our hearts broken. It is a type of approach avoidance we want all the benefits of a relationship but we are not willing to commit 100% because of the impending danger. ” I will meet you half way.” That becomes the tag line we use.” Avoid going half way and try to give it your best, you will see your relationships soar!
I dead sure that if you use these pointers you´ll increase the quality of your relationships, big time! Keeping in mind I always tell people I am my biggest testimonial and if I can do it I know you can too! Until the next time my friends, live like a champion.