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The How’s and Whens of Your First Date

It’s your first date. You’re probably nervous, reluctant to wake up from your crazy coma and feeling that enormous stomach pain that might just make you puke any second. Well calm down, this is all normal, I mean after all, you’re going out with a beautiful woman you´ve had some kind of crush on for some time now. But rather than living your life vicariously through animated degenerates, understand that no date has to be that scary. Women love confidence more than Todd Carney loves a tattooist’s gun. You’ve done the difficult part; you’ve got her number, and got her to agree to go out with you. All you have to do now is not to mess it up! Women are generally unpredictable, so there’s no scientific formula for the perfect date – there are only general rules of thumb, let me break them down for you

What to wear

 Don’t dress above your means –  If you’ve saved 12 months for that Givenchy printed tee, but lived like Tom Hanks in Castaway to do so, it will become glaringly obvious to your date, if you manage to secure date two. Dress accordingly to where you’re going – because you sure as hell won’t wear a suit if you’re going for a nice quite walk down the city and you won’t wear a casual outfit if you’re going to a fancy dinner. Now you can’t dress accordingly if you´re not clean– groom yourself! Find your signature scent, get a clean shave and for gods sake, trim your fingernail (trust me, she will

 Where to go

Much like not dressing above your means, don’t take her for a 15-course degustation dinner at a high-end restaurant if it means that you’ll be eating Weet Bix for the next month to save money. But on the other side, that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to take her to Maccas or your favorite kebab place that’s been red flagged by the city health inspectors. The idea is to get to know this girl, to talk to her, and most importantly, to listen to her. Take her somewhere casual, somewhere that will allow you both to converse without yelling, and without the risk of constant interruptions.

How to act

Be a gentleman. Sounds simple, but few truly understand what it means. Everyone has their own version, but I abide by these rules:

                  Pick her up and drop her off  – Yes, you’re going to be more nervous than a drug mule in customs, but man up!

                  Don’t be late – If before you leave your house for dinner you require more bodywork than a written-off F1 car, give yourself enough time to do so. She’s no doubt going to make you wait while she gets ready, but she’s got two x chromosomes, so indecisiveness is built into her DNA, not yours.

                  Listen – Pay attention and try not to interrupt her. This can be a strategic advantage for securing date two – remembering her favorite movie, or even her best friend’s name, will put you in good stead. It also demonstrates that you were listening while she was talking, even if you were really trying to avoid getting caught staring at her cleavage.

                  Pay for dinner – I can’t emphasize enough on this one. If she has to pay for dinner, she’ll also be paying for a cab ride home. Oh, and guess what, you’re not invited on the ride.

                  The goodnight kiss – ‘Should I lean in?’ it’s the eternal question. Remember when I said that women were unpredictable, so ignore every romantic comedy you’ve ever watched – you’re not Hugh Grant, and we discovered that Hitch was useless. I can only speak from experience. A first date doesn’t have to herald the beginning of new relationship. But, if by the night’s end, you want to see this girl again, and you get the vibe she’s into you, hold off until at least date three.

                  And if you never want to see this girl again, don’t be a douch about it – Say goodbye to her the same way you greeted her, as a gentleman!