You Have Been Warned: Relationships to Steer Clear of

The business of falling in love and finding someone to settle down with is not always an easy one. It’s likely that you’ll date plenty of different people and have a number of relationships of different lengths before you find the person that’s right for you, and that you happen to be right for too. Along the way, you may start some relationships that you’ll later wish you hadn’t, but there are some types of relationship that you should never even start – if at all possible.

Falling for someone who’s married

If a woman is in love with a married man, her friends and family often struggle to understand why she’d get involved in the first place. Some women like the excitement of seeing someone who’s cheating on their wife, others enjoy the fact that the man has chosen to have an exciting affair with them but won’t be seeking any long-term commitment as he’s already married. But it’s not always the woman’s fault – when they meet someone and they say they’re single, why wouldn’t they believe them? If they then fall in love, by the time the truth comes out, it isn’t always easy to walk away. But, in the majority of cases, that’s the best thing to do, or else they face a shaky future with their lover making promises about leaving their wife that they don’t keep. Of course, some men also end up dating married women – it’s not just men who do the cheating. Another thing to bear in mind for anyone who dates a married person is that if they’ve cheated on their spouse already, there’s no guarantee they won’t do it to someone else in the future.

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love triangles” (CC BY 2.0) by  mthaeg 

Getting involved in a rebound relationship

Another relationship that’s often fraught with difficulty is if you start dating someone who’s on the rebound. Perhaps they ended their last relationship, or maybe they were dumped, but very often if they jump straight into dating again, they don’t always make an ideal partner. It may be that they haven’t got over losing the other person, and they still hope to get them back eventually. Perhaps they can’t bear to be alone, so blindly begin a new relationship before deciding if they’re at all compatible. If at all possible, if you start dating someone who’s just come out of a relationship, keep it casual and don’t allow it to become too serious straightaway; just so that you can see for sure if they’re really over their last relationship.

Dating your mum or dad

We don’t mean this literally, of course, but there are plenty of people who end up re-living a dysfunctional relationship that they’ve had with one of their parents in one of their own relationships. This is known as parental mirroring – when we re-enact primary relationships that we witnessed in childhood, even when they’re not healthy ones. A classic example is a child of an alcoholic parent starting to date an alcoholic, even though they know all the reasons why life with an alcoholic is complex and emotionally draining. One key warning sign that you may be involved in a parental mirroring relationship is if your partner shares characteristics with your parent, or if you feel that you have a child-like role in your relationship and that your partner treats you like a child.

These are just a few examples of relationships that you might want to avoid. The path of true love is not always a smooth one, but the best policy is to be true and honest to yourself and to the people that you date. With any luck, you’ll meet like-minded people and eventually find your future mate.

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