You have finally found “The One” and are probably wondering whether or not to move in with your girlfriend/ boyfriend. It might sound amazing to wake up in the same bed every morning and get to know each other on a whole new level. But it is also a major change and a bigger commitment.
In fact, a report says that around 50-65% of Americans believe that living together will increase the likelihood that their relationship will succeed. In all honesty, it has nothing to do with love.
Couples feel satisfied when their relationship is in a healthy state and acts as both an emotional and physical haven. Believe it or not, deciding to share a living space with your other half is a huge step ahead. So you don’t have to rush into it.
But when is it too soon to move in with your partner, and how can you know if you’re emotionally and mentally prepared? Continue reading to explore the signs to help you decide whether moving in together is too soon and when is the best time.
What does moving in together mean?
The meaning lies in the word itself. Moving in together is described as living as a couple (mostly unmarried) under the same roof while sharing regular household tasks.
It may also include seeing your partner from all angles every day. Sometimes, it’s also called cohabitation.
According to the Pew Research Center, many American adults today prefer cohabitation to marriage. Couples might believe moving in together is the best option available, but some may have missed the early warning signs of an unstable relationship that indicate it’s not a good decision.
When you start living together, you’ll finally be able to see each other’s authentic selves. The real question is, are you willing to face it, along with the challenges of being in each other’s faces every day? Moving together also helps you to see if marriage is the right step for the future.
How Long Should You Wait Before Moving in Together?
There isn’t a fixed timeline to consider when moving in together with your partner. It’s commonly believed that one shouldn’t move in with their romantic partner for at least a year.
Having a clear understanding of what you are getting into is important if you want things to proceed smoothly.
Moreover, moving in with someone involves a high level of trust and dependence on one another. However, it can only make things odd and unnecessarily complicated if you aren’t trying to get serious with your partner or are unsure whether you are ready for this move.
Let’s move on to the common signs to check if cohabitation is the right choice for you.
Signs it Is Too Soon to Move in Together
Generally, within the first year of dating, moving in together is too soon. However, the bond and the emotional maturity of both you and your partner will mostly determine this decision. Let’s explore the common signs that will help you decide if it’s too soon to move in.
1. You haven’t had a big fight yet.
Every relationship goes through ups and downs. How you handle your own issues, arguments, and setbacks can make or break the relationship. In fact, many experts feel that arguments are healthy for relationships.
Yes, fighting sucks, but before moving in together, you should see if you can work things out. If not, and your major arguments lead to the end of your relationship, it will be really hard to break up with someone you live with.
2. You don’t know each other well yet.
Do you know your other half at their best and worst? Do you know their close friends, their hobbies and dream jobs, and what they were like in childhood?
It’s totally fine if you don’t know everything about your significant other, but you should have a good idea of who they are and what they’re looking for in a partner before you move in together.
Likewise, your other half must have a good understanding of who you are as a human.
3. You feel pressured to live together.
Moving in together is not a decision that should be taken lightly. If your partner is pressuring you to agree to this decision, this is a huge red flag. This could be a sign of love bombing, which raises more concerns about the nature of the abusive relationship.
4. You’re doing it to “save your relationship.”
Most of the time, cohabiting shouldn’t be thought of or used as a way to fix problems with relationships.
Living together won’t always make things better, for instance, if you and your partner are often fighting or finding it difficult to balance your busy work schedules. If you don’t have a strong connection to begin with, it may aggravate or create new problems.
5. You’re unable to deal with disagreements and conflicts.
If you cannot resolve disputes with your partner in a healthy, respectful way that makes both sides happy, it’s probably too soon to live together.
Perhaps you haven’t had any real conflicts with your spouse yet, or you’ve had fights in the past that haven’t felt genuinely settled, and you’re still furious.
Little things quickly escalate when living with someone else, so before you move in together, try to develop strong conflict-resolution techniques.
6. You still have a bit of “trust issues.”
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, be it romantic or not.
If you don’t trust your partner fully, it’s probably too early to live under the same roof. You have to have faith in your partner’s trust before anything else. Especially when it comes to cheating-related stuff.
7. There’s no purpose or intention behind the move.
If you haven’t brought up the future with your partner, then you’re making a big mistake moving in. What is your intention with the cohabitation?
Think about why you want to move and why now. What are you both hoping to get out of it? Is it just for fun or a step toward marriage? If you and your other half aren’t comfortable answering these questions together, it could be too soon to take the risk.
8. You are afraid to be YOURSELF around your partner.
Being yourself completely when you’re with your partner is another important part of a healthy relationship.
Yes, it’s hard to let others see us when we’re a mess. But isn’t that who you are? It’s not love if they just show you affection when you’re feeling happy or well-groomed. You also don’t really know someone if you’ve only seen them at their best.
Until and unless you’re both sincere and open with each other, you’re not ready to even discuss household tasks. Give your relationship some time to grow!
9. You haven’t managed your finances.
Finances are the most common reason for relationship problems. You might not be ready to live together if you still find it uncomfortable to discuss money with your spouse, and it’s bringing complications.
10. You have a bad gut feeling.
There’s a huge difference between your nerves and a bad gut feeling. If your intuition is telling you that this isn’t the best decision for you, pay attention to it.
It’s important to be enthusiastic about moving in together and to have discussions before making important choices since they may really help you analyze what it’s like to live with the person you love.
Signs You’re Ready to Move in Together
First things first, establishing a level of comfort is essential! If you’ve waited long enough and believe your relationship is ready for the next step, here are several signs that it could be a good time to move in:
i) You both communicate nicely.
The major sign you are prepared to move in is when you’ve gotten to where you communicate pretty well with each other. You have both made it apparent what each of you needs and desires.
Furthermore, it is important for any relationship that one person speaks while the other listens. So yes, effective listening and speaking are key here.
After all, you will need to communicate even more when you live together, so mastering this skill is extremely important. The better the communication, the better your experience will be.
ii) When you both share the same vision
Having similar visions and values can give more motivation to move in together. In fact, it makes relationships more fulfilling and successful. Having similar dreams creates a strong bond, helping you overcome challenges together.
iii) You’re open to talking about finances.
As discussed before, deciding to move in together comes with a lot of money conversations, especially when it comes to paying utilities and rent.
So there should be no surprises when it comes time to move in together and discuss how you will handle those living expenditures as a couple.
iv) You accept them as they are.
Both partners must fully accept one another for a relationship to succeed. You can’t go in with the mindset that they can persuade someone else to adopt their way of thinking and believing.
In fact, you’re going to learn more about each other once you start living together under the same roof. So you have to accept that they are a different person with unique needs and emotions.
v) You are open to making compromises and adjustments.
When you live with someone, you have to make room for them in every way possible. It involves a few tweaks, compromises, adjustments, and changes. After all, everyone is unique in their own way.
You can move in together sooner if you are prepared to make compromises without carrying resentment toward your partner.
vi) You can be your honest-authentic self around your partner.
If you cannot even confidently discuss moving in, then my friend, it’s not a good sign to move in right now. You should be able to be completely honest and comfortable with each other, no matter what.
Yes, it’s far more difficult to hide your silly habits or hilarious quirks when you’re together, so be prepared to share most of your private moments & stuff with a person.
Explain your wants and the reasons behind them. The same holds true for your partner. You need to be open and sincere about your feelings. Accept it when something doesn’t seem right. Keep the other person out of the picture.
vii) You have maintained your independence throughout the relationship.
This is the greenest flag in any relationship – but it’s especially crucial when you live with your spouse, as it’s all too easy to get caught up in your romantic bubble.
You both will get a fair dosage of alone time, which is something that everyone needs, and you will be less likely to lose your sense of self if you have interests, passions, and connections outside of the relationship.
viii) You’re supportive of each other.
Equality is important! A major part of living together successfully would involve splitting up duties like cleaning, bills, cooking, and other household tasks.
This will help a lot if you and your significant other have a great give-and-take balance. However, make sure that this is discussed before moving in and that duties are assigned fairly.
ix) You’re excited about your future with your partner.
When you’re with the right person, long-term conversations come inherently with the flow. And when you’re both on the same page and excited about what the future holds for you, it’s a sign that you’re prepared to move forward together.
If you’ve talked about difficult topics with your spouse and you’re still genuinely excited about the upcoming phase of your relationship, it’s an impressive sign that you’re ready to live together.
Living together is a very personal experience that, if both of you are willing, can deepen your relationship. While it might not be straightforward at first, the change can be enjoyable!
x) You can argue healthily.
When you and your spouse have a fight, even if it is a minor one, you can talk it out respectfully and come to a conclusion together. It shows that you both understand each other well and that you are communicating well.
It may be problematic if neither of you is very good at resolving conflicts calmly.
Make it a habit to discuss concerns as you and your spouse vs. the problem rather than you vs. your partner.
Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Moving in
Wanting clarity is quite a normal thing! While it’s true that you never know what life will throw at you, you still want to make sure that the person you’ve been dating for the past 6 or 12 months shares the same aspirations as you.
Once you have decided on your own whether you want to move in together, here’s what you can ask your partner beforehand:
- Where do you want to live?
- Where do you see this relationship going in the future?
- Who will manage the household tasks?
- Who will manage finances and how? (Splitting groceries, utility bills, rent, etc.)
- How often will we have meals together?
- How will we handle conflicts and arguments?
- What is the real purpose of moving in together?
- What are our mutual goals for moving in together?
- How will we deal with disagreements?
- How will we communicate when we need personal space?
- What will we do in our free time to keep nurturing our relationships?
So, How Soon is Too Soon to Move in Together?
It’s all up to you.
Moving in is a huge step, and it can be fulfilling and fun! However, it may seem like an overwhelming thing to decide to live with someone, but a little deliberate planning and communication can help a lot.
You’re probably not ready to live together if you argue all the time, haven’t talked about money, and one of you still keeps hidden secrets. It’s important to be totally honest with oneself when evaluating the above signs.
Think carefully before you make the final decision. Remember this advice – Do it at the right time, for the right reasons, and with the right person!
FAQs
1. How long should you date before you move in together?
Ans: In general, you should date for a year before moving in with your partner. Within a year, you should be very familiar with each other. Although this time frame varies for each relationship, experts agree that dating someone for more than a year is a reasonable pace to follow.
2. What is the couple’s three-month rule?
Ans: The 3-month rule is a 90-day trial period that couples use to see if they’re compatible. Couples explore each other’s preferences, dislikes, and possible red flags throughout the course of the 90 days. Then, after 3 months, they decide if they want to make a long-term commitment.
3. What is a healthy relationship timeline?
Ans: Regarding a healthy relationship timeline, there are no set guidelines. as long as you both feel secure and comfortable in each other’s company. However, experts recommend that it takes one year for a relationship to be healthy and mature.
4. How do you know if it’s the right time to move in together?
Ans: You’ll know it’s time to move in together when you’ve reached a specific level of comfort with each other, you’re planning a future together, and you have a goal to do so. You have a financial strategy in place and are willing to make compromises and changes.
5. What happens when you move in too soon?
Ans: If you move in together too soon (within 6 months of dating) when your relationship is still unstable, it can be very problematic. First of all, you won’t feel at ease around them, you won’t be likely to talk openly, and there’s a good probability of misunderstandings that could end up ruining your relationship.
